Whether it’s personal or professional, no one enjoys being rejected. Being told “you’re not for me” just kind of sucks, even if you know it’s not a reflection on you. But in the world of traditional book publishing, rejection is the name of the game, and pretty much everyone who has ever played said game has experienced it.

J.K. Rowling was rejected 12 times before becoming, well, the incredibly famous, incredibly wealthy author of the Harry Potter series. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected 30 times, but that didn’t stop him from becoming perhaps the most successful and prolific horror author of all time. A twist of fate was supposedly the only thing that stopped Theodor Geisel (better known as Dr. Seuss) from burning his first manuscript after 27 rejections. Louisa May Alcott, one of my personal favorite authors, was told she couldn’t write and should stick to teaching.

Truly, if rejection was good enough for them, it’s good enough for all of us.

That being said, I have begun querying potential agents for my children’s book manuscript, and have already received two rejections: both have been very kind, and very formulaic. I decided it would help me to know what the process is like from the other side (I know not to take things personally in this industry, but it’s still hard to send your literary baby out into the world for others to judge, so every bit of insider knowledge can lessen the sting!). A Google search led me to Developmental Book Editor Alyssa Matesic, who has a decade of industry experience and worked at major publishing houses and a top-tier literary agency before striking out on her own. She also published a YouTube video titled, helpfully enough, “What authors don’t understand about agent rejections.” The video is absolutely worth the watch, but here’s the gist of the top 3 things to know about a literary agent’s job and why you shouldn’t take a rejection (and more specifically a form rejection) personally:

1. They don’t have time. Like all of us, they are up to their eyeballs, and you know what pays the bills? Their currently published clients. According to Matesic, reading queries often happens after hours or during brief stints of downtime, so their priority is to get through as many as possible in order to not leave hopeful authors in limbo about their chances. That form rejection you get is the best they can do, since giving even a single sentence of critique to each author and dozens of queries would take forever. Between the choice of sending more authors form rejections in order to provide them with something or sending fewer authors personalized rejections and never getting through their inbox…well, the form letter makes a lot more sense in that context.
2. They don’t necessarily want to provide personal critique, because the literary industry is subjective. What one agent enjoys might be another agent’s pet peeve; what one literary agency is known for might be the opposite of what another agency focuses on. The fact is, if you’ve put your heart and soul and time into a story, and you feel like it’s ready to see the light of day, a healthy dose of conviction doesn’t hurt. An agent might worry that they’ll steer you wrong with their advice, says Matesic, inadvertently tanking your chances with that one agent who might say yes because you changed something that didn’t, from someone else’s perspective, need changing.
3. They don’t want to discourage you. All those form rejections, even though they suck, are a bit easier to take than a bunch of personalized rejections.

The fact of the matter is, if you really believe in your work, you should mark the rejection on your spreadsheet (or your tracker of choice!) and move on. You can get 30 rejections before you get a “yes,” but you tell me which of those 31 responses will really stick with you in the end.